Made For Me…Prologue


Addison Fielding stood next to her brother at the cemetery as the priest spoke words about her father. The words weren’t registering anything other than ambient noises. She didn’t see the people or hear the sounds they were making.

All she could think of was her father being too young to drop dead of a heart attack. Or her mother being the one to find him at home when he didn’t return from his lunch break.

Roc Fielding was too healthy to have a heart attack. He was big and strong and hard like his name, Roc. Well, that was short for Rocco, but to her, her father was the rock of the family.

Now he was gone and it didn’t seem real.

Her brother, Cash, was standing like a statue, not moving, not flinching, until his hand touched hers. She wasn’t sure if it was an accident or not, but she grabbed it and held on. She didn’t know how her mother was holding it together when Addison had all she could not to sob loudly and fall to her knees that were knocking and shaking loud enough in her ears to be a drum solo.

“Would the family like to come up and say a few words?” the priest asked.

Cash looked at her mother. Addison knew her mother had a few things prepared but was going to keep it short and sweet. 

Madeline Fielding moved to where the priest was and said, “Listen. We all know Roc. We know what he’d want us to do and it’s not to stand here gabbing about him. If I talk too long he’d make some crack about needing a few more holes dug for people standing in this heat.” There were some chuckles around over that, but Addison just cried louder rather than smiling. Her father was one for bold statements to make her laugh, but it wasn’t happening now. “Roc was a good man,” her mother continued. “A great husband and a wonderful father. He’s going to be missed, but he wouldn’t want us to mourn too long, so I’m telling you all you better not.”

Her mother said a few more things, but she couldn’t hear it over her own sniffling and gasping for breaths. She felt Cash remove his fingers from her grasp and go stand next to her mother.

“Like my mother, I’ll keep this short. Dad told me once when we were at one of these…he said, ‘Don’t give me a long speech or anything. Just throw the dirt on me and get a beer in my honor.’”

There were a lot of grins and head nods and Addison wondered if she’d be allowed to have one of those beers to dull this pain inside of her. Then she realized there couldn’t be anything to dull it, she was sure.

“We’ll be having a gathering at the house if you’d all like to attend,” her mother said.

When they were back at her house, several of her friends were there by her side being her shadows. Many tried to make her laugh and she wasn’t sure why. A few of her close ones just held her hand or hugged her when they felt she needed it the most.

Maybe they were babying her, but she couldn’t be like Cash and hold it in. She wasn’t sure her brother shed a tear today, but she knew he did at night. She’d heard him last night in his room and got up to knock on the door and then stopped. If he saw her, he’d stop and she didn’t want to be selfish. He needed his time to grieve like she did.

Hours later, everyone had left and they were cleaning up the massive garage in the back where all the food and drink had been.

“Come here, you two,” her mother said. “Have a seat.”

“Are we going to lose the house?” Addison asked, crying. 

She’d heard people talking today when they didn’t think she was around. Talks about the landscaping business and how it’d probably fall apart without Roc there to run it.

And if the business failed, then would they be homeless too?

“No,” her mother said. “I wanted to tell you that I’m running the business from the office like I always did. Matthew and Michael Butler both assured me the contracts were still in place. They’d help me find some men to complete the work if I needed it. Your father did the work of more than one man.”

“I’ll get it covered,” Cash said.

“Cash, you’re nineteen.”

“Dad would want me to step up. I can do it.”

Her mother sighed. “He would and he’d be proud of you, but you’re learning. Other men have been here longer and you can learn from them.”

“We aren’t losing anything,” he said firmly. “I won’t let it happen.”

Her mother walked over and put her hand on his shoulder. “Neither will I. Your father is going to continue to watch over us. We are going to be just fine and you know it.”

Addison started to cry harder and her mother pulled her into her arms. “It’s okay, Addison. It’s going to be okay.”

“It doesn’t feel like anything will ever be okay again,” she said, holding onto her mother as tightly as she could.

“It’s just going to take time,” her mother said, running her hand over her hair.

She looked up at her mother’s face and saw the tears mirroring her own. Pulling away, she shouted, “There isn’t enough time to ever make this okay,” then ran to her room and slammed the door.

How could anyone say that when her world had come crashing down on her?

She’d no longer be Daddy’s little girl.

She wouldn’t be able to pick on him about being stricter with her than Cash.

She wouldn’t be able to hug him and hold him and tell him she loved him.

Her rose-colored glasses were now covered in dirt.

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